ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE: EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE
Sexual union has been declared by some (mainly, it is true, by those who
belonged to a by-gone era) to be morally defensible only for the procreation
of children. Such a view is not generally held today. Indeed, very few would
subscribe to such an idea. It is true that sexual intercourse is the only
way by which a child may be eventually added to the family; but sexual
intercourse has other purposes. It can be, as any married couple will tell
you, a wonderful sedative and a delightful tranquillizer. It can also be a
satisfying emotional experience, one which brings the couple into closer
harmony, and one which binds them closer physically, mentally and, if
indulged in with due propriety, spiritually.
It is becoming increasingly evident (with the alarming escalation of
divorce among the peoples of the Western world) that there is much more
planning done for the wedding than there is for the marriage. That is a
pity, for the wedding lasts for but a few hours at the most; a marriage is
supposed to last for a lifetime.
Adjustment is the name of the game in marriage. It is impossible for
anyone to know everything about his or her partner until they have
lived together for many, many years. Indeed, many people claim, after many
years of wedded bliss
(?),
that their
spouse becomes harder to understand with every passing year! Quite
frequently, this is one of the great puzzles of marriage. Those who should
grow closer to one another as they live under the one roof are often found
to be developing different interests until they have little in common but
their children and their physical encounters. And, in such cases, the latter
become less and less significant.
Some of the greatest tragedies in marriage occur because of ignorance.
Not so much these days, but a generation or two ago it was quite common to
have a bride go into marriage quite ignorant of the basics of reproduction,
to say nothing of an equal ignorance of the possibilities of the
satisfaction and joys of sexual union! However, while they may be rare
today, such unfortunate marriages do occur! It is then that one cannot but
feel sorry for both parties.
To obviate such a potential disaster, both the prospective marriage
partners ought to avail themselves of some tried and proven book on the
sexual side of marriage. (A list of recommended books is given at the end of
this chapter.) Preferably, they ought to read such a book (or books)
together well in advance of the actual wedding day. Moreover, they should
make preparations for their marriage by attending marriage counseling
sessions (with an experienced counselor or, as is increasingly done, with
the minister who performs the ceremony). They should avail themselves of
pre-marriage counseling classes, if such are available.
All these
factors assist
in the adjustment
which the first year of marriage will demand to be made.
Such sessions and/or classes notwithstanding, I many marriages fail
because, in practice, there is a failure in the sexual aspect of the
partnership. This is no myth. Over the years I have spent endless hours
discussing intimate sex problems with women (and frequently with their
husbands). They come with sullen disÂappointment, often, because what they
had been led to believe was a pleasurable experience has turned out to be a
virtual non-event, a frustrating exercise in selfish demand. How can it be
possible that sex is all the magazines say it is, and their friends tell
them it is, when all they are getting is cranky with one another?
*30/76/5*
GENERAL
HEALTH